Becoming offended in defense of someone else

Note: This column appears in the 4/1 issue of The Glendale Star and the 4/2 issue of the Peoria Times

One of the clues that I am getting older is that I am becoming increasingly offended by things.

In my younger days, nothing fazed me. Even things that I recognized as being extremely offensive were not actually offensive to me. It wasn’t that I didn’t have morals -– I was just indifferent to or amused by the lack thereof in others. Which, I guess, reflected poorly on my own morals, but whatever. I’m not the one on trial here!

Anyway, now in my early 30s, I am finding myself perturbed by even things that have gained national acceptance. Sometimes especially things that have gained national acceptance.

Exhibit A for me is “Dancing With the Stars.” Believe me that I do not voluntarily watch this show. (Don’t get me wrong -– I watch plenty of shows that would make you question my masculinity. This is just not one of them.) But my wife does. And I am appalled by it.

I mean, have you seen this show? It’s nothing but scantily clad men and women –- and, in some cases, teenagers –- grinding on people that are not their significant others. Then they are judged by a panel that includes a crazy Italian man whose critiques are just sexual innuendos. Last week Pamela Anderson performed and the host looked like he needed a cigarette after watching it. In fact, I am convinced that everyone on the show is sleeping with each other and ten years from now we’ll find out that it was pretty much the Studio 54 of dance shows. It should be on Cinemax, but it instead airs in prime time on a network owned by Disney.


"I'd move my hand lower, but this is a family photo-op. I'm Ian Ziering."

Not so much as five years ago, I would have read that previous paragraph and slapped myself for writing it. What has happened to me?

Sure, as previously mentioned, I am getting older. However I don’t necessarily think that age itself relates directly to an increased sensitivity to broadcasted cleavage. But being a father does.

Things never offended me before because I trusted myself to not be adversely influenced by them. As an adult I can’t say for sure that I, in actuality, wasn’t, and I now understand my parents’ opposition to certain things I listened to, watched, and the people I hung out with.

(Side note: I still remember the day that the song “I Touch Myself” came on in the car and my mom flipped out. Fascinatingly awkward. And can you believe that was a song that gained radio play? I always felt bad for parents of my generation, who grew up listening to Frankie Valli and then had to deal with hearing “Do Me” while driving their kids to school.)

Now that I’m on the other side, I’ve become sensitive to almost everything. My radar of inappropriateness is constantly buzzing. It’s certainly not like we’d ever watch Dancing With the Stars with our little one –- or, even if we did, that she’d notice anything other than the lights and glitter…and maybe Pamela Anderson –- but my whole mindset has changed. Every thing that I watch, and listen to, and say, I do with her in mind.

Things that aren’t good for her are becoming less appealing and more offensive to me. I have morphed into a combustible old man and she’s not even one-year-old yet. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get these kids off my lawn.

Earth Hour 2010 - Lights Out

Update: Ontario saved 560MW, or about 4%, during the 2010 Earth Hour between 8:30 and 9:30pm.

We gathered at the Yonge-Dundas Square to see the lights go out for the 2010 Toronto Earth Hour celebration. They had moved the event from Nathan Phillips Square to the Yonge-Dundas Square for some reason, not sure why. I thought that room would be an issue but they also closed down Yonge Street from Queen to Dundas.



Mayor David Miller (center) joins CityTV hosts Dina Pugliese and Kevin Frankish on stage.



It was a chance to think about the environment, to enjoy the music and join in the countdown to Earth Hour. Here is my Youtube video with a bit of Jarvis Church of the Philosopher Kings and the countdown in the Square.



There were a few cheesy acts including a guy that put balloons in one nostril and out the other and no flame acts that I could see. They should have had more buskers on Yonge Street, instead most of the street was eerily empty except for the penguin and the Climate Action Now guys.



The adjacent buildings and advertisements kept shutting down gradually instead of a massive lights out at 8:30pm. Earth Hour seemed anticlimactic when it was finally counted down. Here is a Yonge Street looking north towards the billboards at Dundas Street as the lights started to go out.

Toronto Roller Derby: Real Women, Real Hits

Quad City Chaos is in Toronto this weekend (March 27 & 28, 2010) at the Downsview Park Hanger. The seleted pros of four cities will battle it out over two days on the flat track at the Downsview Park Hanger (75 Carl Hall Road). Here is a panorama of the hanger with the track.



I have been dying to go to a derby rumble for quite awhile now so hopefully I can get tickets and get some great shots of the action - I did and here they are.







The top ladies of the Toronto Roller Derby (ToRD) joined together to create the all star team of CN Power and will battle against Vancouver's Terminal City All-Stars, Montreal's New Skids on the Block and Hamilton's Hammer City Roller Girls. They also had a pillow fight during the first intermission and a live band after the first match. The music during the whole event is fast paced and gets the crowd cheering.



Schedule(from the ToRD website) and single day tickets are $18 and are available at the door.

SATURDAY MARCH 27
1:00pm…........ Doors Open
2:00 – 3:30pm…. Toronto vs. Vancouver
3:30 – 4:30pm…. INTERMISSION
4:30 – 6:00pm…. Hamilton vs. Toronto
6:00 – 6:30pm…. INTERMISSION
6:30 – 8:00pm…. Montreal vs. Vancouver

SUNDAY MARCH 28
12:30pm…....... Doors Open
1:00 – 2:30pm…. Toronto vs. Montreal
2:30 – 3:00pm…. INTERMISSION
3:30 – 5:00pm…. Vancouver vs. Hamilton

The players pick their funky names and numbers such as Bambi, Judge Jodie and Mis Carriage and #4077, 2x4 and 1/2 pnt.



The floor is flat and concrete and these ladies don't take these matches lightly. They hip check and end up slamming into the ground.



The ladies only use elbow and knee pads and helmets for protection. The team shirts match while the rest of the uniform is up to the player to complete. The roller blades are the old style, 2x2 wheels, the type you would see in Laverne and Shirley.



I read one twitter post that said that Roller Derby is about underwear on the outside and there were a few ladies doing just that. Here is Toronto CN Power's Land Shark #13 and her chomp undies!



Watch my slideshow of the action on Youtube and here is my Youtube video of a bit of the warmup and a bit of the action of the Toronto VS Vancouver match.



So go out and support these hard working athletes and check out an upcoming match with the Toronto Roller Derby League. You can see my pictures of the 2010 Season Opener between Gore_Gore Rollergirls and the Smoke City Betties.

Noodle Peddler and other stuff

I noticed an eco-friendly delivery service - noodle peddler from SweetLulu and their box on a bike. I didn't see the rider so I can only assume they were in a fast food joint filling up on big, bad burgers.



The people of Toronto have poked their head out of the PATH system, saw the sun and decided to come out onto the streets. No longer are we CHUDs; Canadian Humanoid Underground Dwelling monsters! Here are the happy people on Yonge Street north of Dundas Street.

Earth Hour Toronto 2010

For pictures of the 2010 event at Yonge-Dundas Square see my blog post here.

The Earth Hour action will be in Yonge-Dundas Square this year as CityTV hosts Kevin Frankish and Dina Pugliese will usher in darkness with a free concert by Chantal Kreviazuk, Jarvis Church and Justin Nozuka. Lots of buildings have posters displaying their support of Earth Hour - including the Eaton Centre.

While the event begins at 5:30pm the singing will start at approximately 7:30. Here is the schedule from the WWF website.

5:30 pm Street performers and Earth Hour wish collection begins
7:00 pm onwards Official welcome and open remarks from Gerald Butts, President and CEO, WWF-Canada
Justin Nozuka performs
Jarvis Church performs
8:10 pm Earth Hour countdown ceremony begins
8:30 pm Earth Hour starts and Chantal Kreviazuk performs
9:30 pm Closing remarks

For more excitement there will be flame throwers, aerial artists and hip-hop dance crews.

Classic card of the week

Dave Winfield, 1988 Kay-Bee Superstars of Baseball

In the late 80s, the authority on who was, and who was not, a superstar of baseball was Kay-Bee Toy Stores. The good news for everyone playing baseball in the late 80s was that Kay-Bee Toy Stores was pretty liberal in who they named superstars. For example, this particular card is No. “33 of 33 cards.” For the year of 1988, it was deemed, by Kay-Bee Toy Stores, that there were 33 superstars in baseball. Thirty-three! That is a lot of superstars, especially considering that my complete and unopened set of 1989 Topps is worth $4. It remains curious as to what the criteria was to be a superstar in the mind of Kay-Bee Toy Stores, but you definitely needed at least some form of identification. If you happened to root for a team in 1988 that was mysteriously bereft of at least one superstar, that only meant that your favorite player was not forging an adequate relationship with Kay-Bee Toy Stores. And that was unfortunate.

But I digress. Let’s find out more about Dave Winfield, Superstar:



Dave produced 20-or more Doubles for the 14th consecutive season in 1987.

First question: Why is “Doubles” capitalized? Second question: Is that good? I mean, doing anything positive for 14 straight years is obviously good. But is 20 doubles in and of itself necessarily that good? I’ll be honest –- I am indifferent to 20 doubles. This is a superstar we’re talking about here! I need something better.

Extended his record with 6th Double in All-Star competition, 7-14-87.

I hereby declare Dave Winfield the champion of all arbitrary doubles-related statistics! Years from now, when I am playing a baseball trivia game with dear friends of mine who enjoy doing such things, and the question is posed -- Who has the most doubles in All-Star games? -- I will be confident in declaring my answer, assuming that no player has since surpassed Winfield in that meaningless category, which is something I do not care to look up right now. But I will impress no one, as anyone with even the most rudimentary knowledge of our national pastime will know that Dave Winfield is the most likely answer to any question regarding an excess of doubles.

Something more interesting to mention with regards to Dave Winfield would have been anything other than that. Seriously, check out his Wikipedia page. I was a fan of Winfield growing up and his greatness alluded even me. He was one of the best pure athletes to ever play professional sports, is a Hall of Famer, was involved in several bizarre and fascinating situations, was a great quote, is a freakin’ philanthropist, and one of the most respected guys to ever play the game of baseball. If I were commissioned by the President of the United States to pen a brief synopsis of the career of Dave Winfield, this is what I would say:

A paradox of springtime, he was both Mr. May and a bird killer. He was also pretty awesome at baseball. Don’t believe me? Call Kay-Bee Toy Stores, bitch. I met Dave Winfield at a baseball card show once and he was nice. I told him I had a cold and he promised to set the record for doubles in All-Star games for me, which he did. My cold went away shortly thereafter. Dave Winfield saved my life.


Did you know?
During his playing days in Minnesota, Dave Winfield spent his offseasons playing pick-up basketball with Prince on the legendary indoor courts of St. Paul.

Gaining some perspective from being briefly sick

Note: This column appears in the 3/25 issue of The Glendale Star and the 3/26 issue of the Peoria Times

Like many people I often wonder: If I ever struck it rich through either the lottery –- which I do not play –- or through fantasy sports –- where our annual payout for any league is around $200 –- would I continue to work?

I always liked to believe that I would continue to work regardless of whether I needed to or not, although that mindset is often second-guessed on those mornings when I’d just rather go back to sleep, which is, actually, every morning. But last week something happened that helped reconfirm my original position.

Last Monday morning my wife woke up feeling very ill. Stomach flu. Luckily for us, I have off from work on Mondays anyway, so although it was no fun to see her in so much pain, at least I was around to take care of things.

I was Mr. Mom for the day. I cooked, straightened up, made phone calls, and most importantly took care of our little one. Admittedly it’s much easier to play mom when real mom is actually present, and is able to coach me from the sidelines. But the most telling sign of her sickness was her indifference to the mismatching and ill-fitting clothes I was dressing our hopefully-soon-to-be-daughter in. Or maybe that’s why she was throwing-up so much.

Anyway, I was feeling pretty good about a productive day. By the time evening rolled around, my wife was showing signs of improvement and I was thinking about what I needed to get done at work the next day. And then it hit me.

Stomach flu, 2.0. I immediately realized that whatever sympathy I had felt for my wife did not come close to matching what she was actually experiencing, as I spent the entire night hugging the toilet and groaning incoherently. (By the way, in a healthy state I tend to think I have a high tolerance for pain. But the second any kind of actual pain hits, I crumble to the ground and ask God why He has forsaken me.)

As anyone who has experienced it is well aware, the stomach flu is a hurricane that comes through and strips your body of its insides, and then leaves you on the side of the road for dead. That is actually the medical definition of “stomach flu.” As a result, I was laid up the following day and could not go to work.

I was a complete waste of space, sprawled out on the couch all day watching spring training baseball games on TV, still groaning. All I could think about was how I wished I were at work.

Weird? Maybe. But like playing Mr. Mom on an off-day, work gives me that feeling of accomplishment that I so need psychologically and even physically. The worst part, for me, about being sick was not so much the physical sensation of sickness, but the utter dread I felt at wasting a day doing nothing.

Being sick often exposes things we take for granted, most obviously our health. But it also left me thankful to have a job to go to everyday –- even on those days when I don’t want to go to it –- so that I can be a contributing member of society and feel good about myself. Another thing that makes me feel good about myself is having my intestines back. I thought I had lost them.

Barenaked Ladies at FCP

Celebrating the launch of their new CD and the start of FCP events at Toronto's First Canadian Place the Barenaked Ladies put on a free lunch time concert.



The crowds once again surrounded the small waterfall stage on all levels and watched the group perform some old songs and some new songs from their new CD "All in Good Time", which was on sale for a special price of $10. They autographed their CDs after their show.

Flowers in the spring

The warm sun of March Break ran away when the weekend got here, which is ironic because this weekend marks the start of Spring (vernal equinox or spring equinox) which arrived on Saturday, March 20, 2010. Warmer and longer days are here again, well hopefully the warmer days will come back soon!

Purple crocus flowers popped out of the ground while bees came looking for pollen and this was the first sign that I have seen of new growth in 2010. I can't wait for the trees to bud and the forests to turn green.

Maple Syrup Season

The frosty nights and warm temperatures have started the running of the syrup, much like the running of the bulls, if bulls were watery liquid coming out of maple trees. During March Break many families bring their children to forests, sugar bushes and conservation areas to see the magic of maple syrup.



Near Toronto you can go to the Sugarbush Maple Syrup Festival at Bruce's Mill Conservation Area or Kortright Centre for Conservation or Mountsberg Conservation Area in Halton Region just by Highway 401 and Guelph Line.



Maple trees larger than 30cm in diameter are drilled and tapped with a spout which drain into buckets. The liquid is gathered together and boiled to make maple syrup. Boiling the syrup produces maple candy. You can watch the process, get samples of maple candies, buy pancakes and rides on horse drawn wagons. With the warm weather it is a fine way to spend the day outside in the fresh air.

Classic card of the week

Nolan Ryan, Baseball Heroes, 1990 Upper Deck

Here is our collective baseball hero, Nolan Ryan. In 1989 he struck out his 5,000th batter. But I bet you were wondering what he was like as a naïve, impressionable, hillbilly youngster, caught up in the big bright lights of New York City.



As a youngster with the Mets, Nolan once remarked to teammate Tom Seaver that Jim Bunning’s 2,500th strikeout, which they had just witnessed, was a remarkable accomplishment.

Nolan Ryan: You know what, Tom? I was thinking. To me, 2,500 strikeouts is a pretty remarkable accomplishment.

Tom Seaver: Oh, really? Ya’ think? You know Nolan, I thought your strong suit was throwing 100-mph fastballs. But let’s throw “perceptive analysis” into the category of “things you do really well.” In fact, I wanted your opinion on something. This baseball looks round to me. What do you think?

Nolan Ryan: I hate you.

Seaver told him about Walter Johnson’s 3,508 career K’s.

In the realm of silly and contrived and 99%-false baseball anecdotes, this one may take the cake. This sounds like a story that Tommy Lasorda would tell at a Little League Awards Banquet before losing his train of thought and then complaining about how the lasagna is cold. Am I really supposed to picture this moment happening as it is described here, with Tom Seaver putting his arm around Nolan Ryan and telling him about Walter Johnson? Gather ‘round here young buckaroo, and grab a seat on ol’ Pappa Tom’s lap. Lemme tell you about a fella named Walter Johnson… For crying out loud, Nolan Ryan was a grown man and a major league pitcher. I think he knew who Walter Johnson was.

Little did either dream about 4,000 much less 5,000.

How do you know what these men dreamt about? I dreamt about 5,000 Ks last night. Granted, I was pitching against a team of polka dots and my coach was Patti LaBelle. But still, I got 5,000 Ks. What can I tell you. Dreams are weird.

The point is, speculating that Nolan Ryan could not even entertain the thought of 5,000 strikeouts is just a means of making the achievement sound better, when the achievement itself doesn’t need any help. And yes, I realize that I am railing against the back of a baseball card. Still.

Most likely, if baseball is played in the future as it is today,

With bats and balls...

no one will ever again challenge 5,000.

So, if baseball is played in the future as it was when Nolan Ryan reached 5,000 strikeouts, then no one will ever reach 5,000 strikeouts. Because the same game that allowed Nolan Ryan to reach 5,000 strikeouts will not allow somebody else to reach 5,000 strikeouts. Because it will be the same game. X = Y. Of course, what this is attempting to say is that if the current baseball trends –- specialized relief pitchers, lower pitch counts, et al –- continue, it will be near impossible for another player to attain 5,000 strikeouts.

An easier way to say this would have been: No matter what, no one will ever, ever, ever again reach 5,000 strikeouts. Ever.

Did you know?
"Fireside Chats With Tom Seaver" was a PBS program that featured the Hall-of-Fame pitcher reading Dr. Seuss books to current major leaguers.

Toronto Mounted Police

Every so often you get to see the Toronto Mounted Police trotting along downtown streets, usually in pairs, sometimes in small groups. Mostly they look cool and get a lot of stares and provide a lot of photo opportunities.

You tend to forget they are also formidable for crowd control purposes - like at riots and protests. I imagine you will see lots of them during upcoming G20 conference to be held in Toronto on June 26 and 27, 2010.

I have watched them perform as a group during the Toronto Doors Open event down at the CNE grounds. The horses wear protective shields over the eyes, just like their riders.



They are based out of the Horse Palace in the CNE.

Why ‘The Marriage Ref’ could use a ref of its own

Note: This column appears in the 3/18 issue of The Glendale Star and the 3/19 issue of the Peoria Times



So my wife and I have been watching “The Marriage Ref.”

For those who have managed to miss this mercilessly promoted television program, it features married couples having arguments which are then discussed and arbitrated on by the host and a panel of celebrities, most of whom have an obvious and shameless connection to NBC, “The Marriage Ref’s” home network. I have many issues with the show, not the least of which is not finding it to be particularly funny, which is, I think, the point of the whole thing. But that’s not my only problem.

Besides the inherent disingenuousness of people arguing in front of cameras, the arguments themselves are made-for-TV in their outlandishness. In the interest of declaring “a winner,” this makes it near impossible to not immediately and obviously side with either the husband or wife. For example, the first few episodes featured a husband who wanted his dead, stuffed dog on display in the house, and another husband who wanted to install a stipper pole in their bedroom. I mean, really. This context may assist the panel in making silly jokes, but it certainly doesn’t help the show at large.

The unfortunate part is that I find the concept of “The Marriage Ref” to be a good one. Arbitrating disputes between a husband and wife is a clever and potentially hilarious idea. And while I’m not sure how to resolve the underlying problem of authenticity as it pertains to reality television, I think at least having the arguments be more realistic is a good start.

Which brings me to my own marriage. My wife and I clash on many issues. I would never submit these conflicts to “The Marriage Ref” as I doubt they are “crazy” enough for their tastes –- plus I would never in a million years want to be featured on a reality show –- but they are real, and I wouldn’t mind being declared right (or, I guess, wrong) once and for all.

One thing we consistently disagree on is mold on food. If I take out of the refrigerator, for example, a piece of cheese, and notice it has even a smidge of mold on it, I will throw it out along with whatever remains of the original block of cheese. My wife is repulsed by this, as she considers it a waste of food, and she will urge me to simply cut off the mold and eat the rest, which is something I refuse to do as I am repulsed by that. Now, this argument may not have the sex appeal of a stripper pole or the shock value of a dead dog, but still I ask: who is right? I mean, obviously it’s me. Still though, I can see it being discussed.

My feet are also an issue. I do not have, what one would call, the most attractive feet. Years of marginal athletic endeavors and chasing dreams will do that to you. My big toenails on both feet are a curious shade of yellow and black, and those are pretty much the only toenails I have. As a result, my wife strongly recommends I do not wear flip-flops when people other than her are present. This is an obstacle and comfort issue for me, especially during the hot summers months in Arizona. She is embarrassed, but I believe my feet go unnoticed. Who is right?

Ironically, our most popular current argument is about “The Marriage Ref” itself. I think it’s awful, but she likes it. I think she likes it just because she wants to like it, as she and I both are big Seinfeld fans. In her heart –- and because we share the same sense of humor –- I know she doesn’t really think it’s funny. But because she has declared herself on the side of liking it, she will now not waiver from that stance even at gunpoint. That said, I think “The Marriage Ref” would do itself a huge favor by featuring a married couple arguing over whether or not “The Marriage Ref” is good.

But not us. I don’t want to be on TV. Well, only if they show my feet.

Art, art everywhere

Toronto is full of art and there is a lot of it out in the streets, in public spaces and private locations open to view. Sometimes, just walking around I trip over some statue or installation, there is just so much of it.

I've talked about the toy soldiers, the immigrant family, the freaky sculptures in the Historic Distillery District and the watertable under the Gardiner Expressway but I haven't talked about the family of plastic, headless elephants along the Don Valley Parkway.



Well, they aren't really headless elephants - they are planters in an installation called "elevated wetlands" by Noel Harding. This green installation uses recycled plastics to help clean the water and each planter supplies water into the next lower planter until it empties into a small wetland at the base of the sculpture.

You can find more art around the city from these links: City of Toronto Public Art, the City of Toronto Art Walk, Toronto Sculpture Garden and Outdoor Art in Toronto.

Performance World Custom Car & Truck Show

Check out my coverage and photos of the lovely ladies at the 2011 Performance Custom Car and Truck Show on my post here.

The Toronto International Centre was once again full of cars and trucks during the 2010 Performance World Custom Car and Truck Show. The snake pictured above was from an antique automobile, it is the horn from a 1911 Locomobile 48 Touring car. You squeeze the buld at the end of the hose and the snake would make a sound. It would be hard to get a good case of road rage squeezing on that horn.




There was a number of halls full of various race, hot rod and classic cars as well as some tricked out tuner cars and critters from Zoo Too You. In addition to all the metal and chrome there were a number of beautiful ladies like Tania Amazon a curves centerfold and calendar model.





NASCAR had a few Canadian Tire Series (NCTS) drivers including Mark Dilley (pictured below), Scott Steckly (Scott's #22 car was also at the show), Kerry Micks and J.R. Fitzpatrick courtesy of Sunset Speedway and Wide Open Motorsports.

Elgin & Winter Garden Theatres

Workers recently finished some renovations to the outside of the Elgin & Winter Garden Theatres on Yonge Street just across from the Eaton Centre. I never really noticed the "and" on the sign as well as the two theatres; Elgin (downstairs) and Winter Garden (upstairs). Apparently the historically significant structure, built in 1913, is the only remaining working double decker theatre complex (two separate theaters) in the world.



You can rent the theatre out for private events, take a tour of the National Historic site owned by the Ontario Heratage Trust or even go to see some live theatre. I am going to wait for Cats to come back.

Nathan Phillips Square rink finished for season

The outdoor rink under the "Freedom Arches" in Nathan Phillips Square just recently shut down for the season on the 5th of March and a small amount of ice remained at the edges. Bye bye winter.

The rink gets a lot of use during the day and night and tons of people rent skates on site. During winter special events they will usually have a DJ play some music to skate to.