Conversations without a filter

Note: This column appears in the 9/2 issue of The Glendale Star and the 9/3 issue of the Peoria Times

At a job I had a very long time ago, there was a woman who possessed no internal mechanism that informed her which pieces of information were relevant to which people. As a result, she would have phone conversations, with customers, where she would say things like, “I’m sorry sir, I have to go in a few minutes. We’re having cake in the conference room for Julie.”

This is an extreme example –- this woman lacked many more internal mechanisms –- but I have always, personally, enjoyed gathering information from others that does not pertain to the given situation. Especially if it is revealed to me in the form of an excuse as to why my needs cannot be met.

Case in point. My wife and I have both called, on our own, on separate occasions, a person who is supposed to be assisting us in closing an important matter. When I initially spoke with her, she eased my concerns about the delays in this matter by informing me that her company was dealing with budget cuts, and that they were “bogged down,” and that she, specifically, was “bogged down” because they did not hire anyone to help her. This made me feel…better?

During subsequent phone calls she repeated this schpiel, as if she were reading it off a piece of paper. My wife sort of flipped out. So I had to call this woman again and explain to her, calmly, that this was not my problem. Rather, it was her problem. She was required to assist me despite these factors, and my awareness of these factors was not relevant. The time that she had used to make excuses could have been put to better use in getting the job done. She understood my point, and assured me that this matter would be taken care, although it might take a while, because nobody was there to help her.

Not that customers are off the hook in this matter. Just last week, at my present job, I received a phone call that required me to undertake a simple task, and which I accomplished in like three seconds. The result of this efficiency was me listening to a 10-minute long story that involved specific details about the unfortunate deaths of people I do not know. Not that I’m an insensitive person, but I do not like being put in this situation because I do not what to say. In this instance, I said, “Wow…sheesh, uh…that’s a…that’ll be ten dollars.”

Now, I’m all for trying to relate to people on a personal level, even in professional situations. But these are not occasions for excuses, nor, I think, should they ever get too personal. A general rule would be, if you are immersed in a business or service transaction, and you find yourself using phrases like, “my boss doesn’t care,” or “it takes me 55 minutes to get here,“ or “and that’s how my nephew contracted lupus,” then you have probably stepped over that fine line.

Find that internal mechanism. It’s right next to your schpiel.

*Update! Had a phone conversation today at work in which I was informed this during the normal course of conversation, and I quote: "I got food poisoning and then my car caught on fire."

Give the suit off your back

At Bay and Front Street just across from Union Station there was a group of men clad in shorts and a tie and not much else, I think they might have been Chippendales, promoting a charity called Moores Canadian Suit Drive where you can “Help others find their strong suit” (http://www.canadiansuitdrive.com/). Coming out of the PATH system into the sunlight at first I thought I was staring into a mirror, but no, there were more than just one reflection of me when I realized that it was a group of buff guys.

They had signs saying “Give the suit off your back” but I didn’t see anyone stripping down, which is good because they ask for the donations to be clean and on hangers. They are collecting everything from suits to shoes and ties to benefit at-risk men who are moving into jobs. Moores will even provide a 25% discount on your next purchase so drop by your closest Moores store by September 30, 2010 and help others in need.

Live Green Toronto Festival

Toronto's Live Green Street Festival is rocking the downtown as Yonge Street was closed to cars and the bands were playing at Yonge-Dundas Square. I caught part of Colin James playing a great set for the large crowd enjoying the festival which runs until 5pm on Sunday. There was even a bicycle powered stage with a lineup of performers.

Mayor David Miller says "With the Live Green Toronto Festival, we're taking another step towards living green in our city. I encourage all Torontonians to come to this event and learn practical energy-saving solutions for home and work and to find out about Toronto's programs for a greener city. Together we can make Toronto an even cleaner and more beautiful city."

Saturday at Buskerfest

The fun continues at the Scotiabank Buskerfest and I watched some exciting shows and performers including the Russian Bar Trio (above) and their aerial show pictured below.

The fest is extremely popular and like many events in Toronto the event is always jam packed, especially if the weather cooperates which it has this year.

Sprinkled throughout the streets are large boards showing the schedule and locations of the acts. You check out what you want to see and head to the area early if you want to see the show. Usually the first row sits on the ground and the rest gather round, after three or four people deep you usually can not see the act so you have to look for another. 

There are quite a few artists, like Silver Elvis and Kate Mior, that set up at one location and stay there for quite awhile.

Some of the performers wander around and spread joy and sometimes mayhem as they make their way through the crowd. I really liked the group called Saurus from the Netherlands which is three large dinosaurs with heads that extend high above heads and large claws that could rip you to pieces if they were real. The sounds of the dinosaurs as they pass by is another great touch.

Another group that was fun to watch was the Calypso Tumblers from the US their banter and athletics was exciting, especially during the finale when they jump over a large group of young kids pulled from the audience.

Don't forget to bring some money to donate to Epilepsy Toronto and to give to the performers who work hard to earn tips.

See more photos after the jump.

The End of the World is nigh

I thought this only happened in the movies but I was wrong. In the middle of thousands of people walking by the Yonge and Dundas intersection stood someone with a large sign saying "The end of the world October 21, 2011". The had an even bigger banner with judgement day being May 21, 2011. It must be that the judgement will be in May and the end will come in October, but usually judgement day is also supposed to be the end of the world. Maybe she wanted some more time so she had her sign made with the later date.
It sounds like it will happen close to those fetish events planned for next year so if you planned to go you should maybe think about it this year. Additional  people from the same judgement day group were also down at Union Station.

Jeez, it's getting a little warm in here and it seems like 2011 might be a bad year!

Fetish Time

Toronto's sexual urges are hungering for some good old fetish fun and as Halloween approaches October has some fun planned, so grab some latex, maybe a few chains and check out Vanilla or the Halloween Fetish Ball. And who could forget the Toronto Torture Garden? These guys make the best street posters.

Buskerfest 2010

The buskers are in full buskering mode at the St Lawrence Market neighbourhood so grab some money and head on down and let them busk you at the 2010 Scotia Buskerfest in support of Epilepsy Toronto. The fun lasts until this Sunday and the streets are also full of venders and there is even a beer garden on one of the side streets. Here is my post with photos taken during Saturday's performances.

Classic card of the week

Mike Marshall, 1992 Score

Off we go!



Like some visitors to the Big Apple, Mike did not enjoy his brief stay in ’90.

Hmmm. “Like some visitors?” Looks like somebody spent a wedding anniversary weekend in NYC, spent $315 to park his car in one of those lots where they stack three cars on top of yours, stepped in barf on the subway platform, and couldn’t get a table at Carmine’s after seeing “Cats,” which he thought would have less cats. Still…why you gotta drag Mike Marshall into this? Let’s see how bad Mike Marshall’s time in New York really was.

After being traded in the off-season to the Mets,

Okay, that kinda sucks.

he smashed the seventh grand slam homer of his career and drove in six runs in an 8-3 win over his old team, the Dodgers.

This sounds terrible. I would hate New York too if all I had to base my experience there on was the fact that I once hit a grand slam there for the local team that helped enact revenge against my former team. “This city is the worst!” I would say.

But Mike lost his first base job to Dave Magadan while he was incapacitated with his chronic back problem,

New York’s fault? Yes. In honor of the man who hit a grand slam one day, the Mets should have vacated the position of first base until Mike Marshall healed from his chronic back problem, which probably wouldn’t have healed much, because it was chronic. That’s the first thing. The second thing is that: Should they have been forced –- due to some stupid rule -– to place a different player at first base, and that player miraculously outperformed Mike Marshall, by no means should the Mets have awarded the job to that player while Mike Marshall was incapacitated with back pain -– back pain undoubtedly caused by the high cost of living in New York City.

Third thing: If New York did not meet these above-mentioned expectations –- which they obviously did not, or we would not be here talking about this -– the least they could have done was trade Mike Marshall to a different team that would be less discriminatory with regards to his chronic back problem.

and was finally traded to the Red Sox in late July,

“Finally,” in late July, thus ending Mike Marshall’s long and arduous and back-pain-filled four-month New York experience. Besides his Jodeci CD and a trail of broken hearts, did Mike Marshall leave anything behind?

leaving behind a .239 batting average.

“I hit a grand slam and suffered back pain in New York City and all I got was this lousy t-shirt and .239 average.” – mikemarshalltshirts.com.

A dangerous power hitter, Mike took an immediate liking to Boston and batted .304 in his first 13 games.

Using the Mike Marshall formula: back pain + grand slam + Mets + .239 average x .304 average in 13 games + DH rule = Boston > New York. Coincidentally, this card’s author happened to spend a lovely autumn weekend in the Boston area on a visit to take in the foliage and see his eldest daughter on the gorgeous Harvard campus. Mike Marshall’s 1992 Score card began thusly:

Like all visitors to Beantown, Mike immensely enjoyed his brief stay there…

Did you know?
According to Wikipedia, Mike Marshall is the first person in the history of the world to date Belinda Carlisle AND play for the Nippon Ham Fighters of Japan.

Tasty Thursdays

The City of Toronto has many activities in Nathan Phillips Square and while the recent construction has reduced the events they continued with Tasty Thursdays. Mmmm, Tasty Thursdays. I love it when a day is special – like Wednesday’s Hump Day, everything is better on those special days. Sadly, this is the last day for Tasty Thursdays in 2010. You can still go up to the nature garden overlooking the square and enjoy your lunch in peace and quiet.

The setup for the event starts in the early morning and stations are setup for the participating restaurants to setup their stoves and barbecues. In August there were quite a few restaurants on board including:

The Real Jerk	Kathmandu Restaurant
Lone Star Texas Grill	Satay on the Road
Buppha Thai Restaurant	Chuck & Co.
Woody’s Burgers/Freshwood BBQ	Liberty Noodle
La Fiesta Catering	La Cocina de Dona Luz Restaurant
Big Daddy’s Bourbon Street Bistro & Oyster Bar	Sunshine Natural Foods

The hot and delicious food can be had for $5 and if you want some be prepared to stand in line for the cheap eats. I have enjoyed the Blackened Catfish Sandwich from Big Daddy’s and it was very tasty. It makes for a change from the street hot dogs so keep an eye out for Tasty Thursdays in 2011 running from 11:00am till 2:00pm.

Another kind of Tasty Thursdays was happening at Yonge-Dundas Square where Virgin Mobile was giving away free poutine – you just had to show your cell phone to them.

Birthday party number one: No jacket required

Note: This column appears in the 8/26 issue of The Glendale Star and the 8/27 issue of the Peoria Times

Last weekend we happily hosted a first birthday party. The theme was butterflies.

Even though I had attended several first birthday parties in the past year or so, and acquired some knowledge as to their culture and thus gained some confidence, there were still many facets of first birthday party etiquette that I was unaware of.

For example, I learned that one cake is not enough cakes. I thought that one cake would be enough, but that was before I discovered that one cake is set aside for the sole purpose of allowing the birthday girl to smush her hands and face in it so that you can take funny birthday pictures. Then that cake is removed and a different cake is brought in for guests, so as to reduce the likelihood of your guests finding boogers in their cake. Luckily for us our friend Donna took care of the “real cake” personally by making a full batch of her Sassy Pops, which are literally pieces of cake on a stick in a coating of hard, delicious icing. They were the hit of the party, and because she made so many I am currently averaging four Sassy Pops per day. (Not to mention trying to finish the non-smushed section of our daughter’s booger cake. Yum.)

While I was aware that our party would be themed, I was unaware how all encompassing that theme must be. My wife, as mentioned, selected butterflies as the theme on behalf of our daughter. Because boys would be in attendance, the theme was extended to include bugs. Butterflies and bugs. Everywhere. My wife is a strong-willed, hot-tempered, Italian, independent working-woman, yet her daughter’s first birthday party managed to reveal her inner Martha Stewart. Everywhere I turned there were butterflies and bugs. The girls had butterfly wings to wear, and the boys played bug-themed games, and “A Bug’s Life” played on the TV. I was in charge of making the sandwiches, and so my wife handed me a “butterfly cutter” –- I honestly don’t know where she gets these things -- to make the sandwiches into butterflies. Have you ever attempted to turn a grilled-cheese sandwich into a butterfly? It’s not easy. Even with a butterfly cutter.

(I couldn’t help but imagine how differently the scene would have been if I were in charge of the theme. There probably would have been a poster of a butterfly hanging crooked off the wall and that’s it.)

But for me the greatest realization about first birthday parties was this: It doesn’t matter what the theme is, or how many cakes you have, as long as you keep the kids entertained. At one point I noticed the kids and several adults had drifted into our dining room, which houses my turntables. To keep things moving I made the executive decision to turn this into a mini-dance party. Now, ninety-percent of my records are inappropriate and profane hip-hop records from college, but I’ve also acquired many old records from my parents and in-laws. So…I had to settle for Phil Collins, “Susudio.”

We danced like no one was watching, except for all the videos and pictures being taken. And by “we” I mean myself and five little girls wearing butterfly wings, including our daughter.

It seems like everyone had a fun time, which is all that matters. I know I did. And if our daughter still likes him when she turns two, I will attempt to make sandwiches in the shape of Phil Collins. Wish me luck.


This would go good on a stick, so a Sassy Pop may be better...

Do Not Enter

Okay, we have a busy weekend coming up. There is so many things going on in Toronto this weekend and I will try to go to Fan Expo, the Underwear Affair Run, Buskerfest and the Chinatown Festival. The CNE is also on as we speak and the long weekend in September will bring the Air Show.

Classic card of the week

Pat Kelly, 1991 Fleer Ultra, Prospects series

Here is a picture of Pat Kelly pretending to catch a ground ball for the camera. One would think it was during an actual game were it not for the fact that second base is not traditionally played in foul territory. Also there is a tractor on the field. Another option would have involved the camera taking a snapshot of Pat Kelly actually catching a ground ball in real life, but then he probably wouldn’t have been able to simultaneously stare into the camera with the same raw emotion you see here. So, you take the good with the bad.

Fortunately, in the case of Pat Kelly, it’s all good:



Pat Kelly has everything a manager could want from a second baseman.

Let’s say I’m a major league manager, which I am. I want my second baseman to hit 50 home runs, score 125 runs, OPS like 1.340, make approximately zero errors while also making behind-the-back throws to the shortstop during double-plays for no apparent reason, steal zero bases because he’s always hitting home runs and because he’s kinda fat – I don’t want the guy to be perfect, ya' know? – and hit eighth in the order because the rest of my team is even more freakin ridonkulous than my second baseman. Then and only then will I say that I have all that I want from my second baseman. Pat Kelly?

He has great range, good pivot skills

I forgot to mention good pivot skills. I want my second baseman to have good pivot skills. I thought that was implied.

for turning the double play, hits for average, steals a lot of bases and even has some pop to his bat.

Okay, so…yeah. I guess that’s everything. For somebody. Else. Anyway, let’s see how Pat Kelly does everything:

Last year at Double-A Albany, Pat hit .270,

Record scratch! Let’s hit rewind: {dream sequence montage}…hits for average…hits for average…hits for average…Lisa needs braces…dental plan….Lisa needs braces…hits for average…

So I guess, technically, Pat Kelly does hit for average, in that .270 is an average. (By the way, as we always strive to acknowledge here: average is stupid. But I didn’t bring it up. Pat Kelly’s supporters did.)

He also belted eight homers and six triples.

Eight homers = some pop. More pop involves triples, which are belted in the same fashion as home runs because they are only one less base than a home run and thus must be belted and not simply be ground balls that careen awkwardly off walls. Wow, I am being a jerk, and I am a Pat Kelly fan. Let's hear from a Pat Kelly fan who need not compromise his subjectivity due to his desire to make snarky comments on his blog about nothing:

At his position, his manager in Albany, Dan Radison, raves

This is a weird sentence that makes it sound as though Dan Radison is dishing out praise while standing on or near second base.

"I've seen him make plays, and I just can't figure out how he did it!"

I wonder if this exclamation point happened in real life, or if it was added for effect. Baseball managers tend to downplay things and have a general "been there, seen that" attitude, so I am skeptical. Also, what the heck is Dan Radison talking about? What is so mysterious about the way in which Pat Kelly makes plays? Possibly he is referring to the fact that Pat Kelly sometimes catches imaginary balls in foul territory while looking at a camera and still manages to throw a tractor out at second base. In which case: I agree!

Did you know?
Wikipedia claims that Pat Kelly, infielder, born 1967, is a different person than Pat Kelly, climber, early female climber and founder of the Pinnacle Club.

Bud Girls - a look back at WOW

The Bud Girls entered in the Honda Indy Toronto Pit Crew Pageant were a beautiful break in the on track action  and in honour of the girls and their beer sponsor I think it is time we looked back on their contribution to the weekend fun.

See more photos after the jump.

MMVA - the cleanup

The Much Music Video Award (MMVA) Show brings some pretty big stars into Toronto to hand out and to receive shiny trophies and like any party there is always the hungover cleanup after the event. The set was very elaborate Meccano kit that was probably very difficult to put back in it's original box. You can see how they had to build their scaffolding around the old CityPulse, now CP24, SUV breaking out of the building.

The show takes place in the parking lot of the Much Music Building at 299 Queen Street West and in the surrounding streets and was held June 25, 2010. Pop singer and actress Miley Cyrus was the host and entertainers Drake, Katy Perry, the band Hedley and Justin Bieber were among many stars that took part.

I filmed the crew making the commercial for the 2010 awards in Yonge-Dundas Square and my YouTube clip has over 2,200 views. People were asking about the song used in the actual commercial and someone wrote in and identified BlakRock singing Ain't Nothing Like You.

Graffiti and Reflection

The alleys off of Queen Street West are full of vibrant graffiti, some artful and some just mean tags. It seems like a pretty tough place with so many gates and fences and the ever present spray painted surfaces. I think most of the spray paint used in Toronto is along the alleys adjacent to Queen Street West. They say that "Graffiti Alley" runs south of Queen Street from Spadina to Portland. You can also visit the torontograffiti.com site to view some more graffiti and even hire a graffiti artist.

The city also has a lot of windows so you can find some interesting reflections of the streetscape, especially the popular CN Tower, staring right at you. Although sometimes you need to catch the tower at night when it is lit up in a changing kaleidoscope of colours.