*Special Friday edition
Lance McCullers, 1988 Score
Hey, listen, I’m no baseball coach or anything. But this just can’t be the way you’re supposed to pitch a baseball. Arm moving violently forward, body moving backwards, eyes pretty much closed…I don’t know, maybe I’m the crazy one. But it seems like Lance McCullers – immediately after the pitch has left his hand – is already recoiling in horror at the idea of where the pitch may end up. It does not appear, as I was once taught many years ago, that Lance McCullers is going to finish his motion in position to field a ground ball back to the pitcher. It appears as if Lance McCullers is going to finish his motion on his back, doing reverse somersaults into center field. Then again, it could be that Lance McCullers’ fastball is so fast, that it blows even him away. The back of the card elaborates: Lance…enjoys challenging hitters with his blazing fastball. Well then. That explains it. But let’s find out more about Lance: He was used as a starter in emergencies in ’86, but did his best work out of the bullpen. The Padres finished 74-88 in 1986, so they classified emergencies as “games,” which means that Lance McCullers started every game for the Padres in 1986, and also sometimes came out of the bullpen, which is quite astounding. But it is true that McCullers was a solid relief pitcher. He even pitched for the Yankees later in his career, until, due to his unorthodox throwing motion, he had to have surgery on his entire body. This revolutionary surgery was coincidentally called, “Lance McCullers surgery,” and involved the reattachment of the back and arm to the rest of the body. Now as common as a root canal, many modern-day players are opting to have Lance McCullers surgery at the slightest hint of uncomfort. Mark Prior, for example, has had five of them.
Did you know?
As you can see, Score awarded Lance McCullers three stars for his performance, making Lance McCullers considerably better than "Norbit."
