Bob Kipper, 1987 Topps
Yes, it is true that the Pittsburgh Pirates hats of the mid-80’s were the single biggest offense against baseball and society ever recorded in the history of the universe. That said, never has the hat in question looked as unbelievably ridiculous as it does right here. Congratulations, Bob Kipper. You look like a fool.
Let’s get know Mr. Kipper a little bit:
Bob won 8 letters in baseball, basketball and football at Aurora (Ill.) Central Catholic High School where he fanned 20 batters in one game.
Awesome. Good stuff there. Bob Kipper was probably a popular guy in high school. A hard worker, dedicated to excelling in athletics and maybe in the classroom, too. He attended a Catholic school, so Bob Kipper was most likely a God-fearing man as well. Good parents. These are a lot of assumptions, but I’m going to run with it here. Bob Kipper was a good, humble, well-meaning guy, just trying to make a living on the baseball field so he could provide for his family of a wife and four children and two puppies and a parakeet.
So what do the Pittsburgh Pirates do? Well, they believe in the guy, so they acquire him from the Angels. So far, so good. They like his makeup. They’re gonna bring him around. So they say, “Hey Bob, listen. We believe in you. You’re going to help this team win, we know that. So what we want you to do is, put on this ridiculous top hat, and stand in front of that camera over there. This is gonna be great. Your family’s gonna be so proud of you, especially years down the line, when you’re not playing ball anymore and your kids want to reminisce about your career. Now what we did here is, we actually added another level of ridiculousness to this particular hat, for added effect. You’re going to look like a train engineer slash bee keeper that plays for the Pirates. Your kids are gonna think you had three jobs! You can thank us later, Bob. Oh, and one other thing -- can you put this rabid squirrel underneath the hat just for the picture? Jim down in the equipment room thinks that would be hilarious. Appreciate it.”
Thankfully, the Pittsburgh Pirates, to this very day, are still paying for this atrocity.
Did you know?
The Pittsburgh Pirates are a former major league baseball team that played in Pittsburgh, a town rich with pirate-related history.
