Walt Weiss, 1993 Pinnacle
Throughout the years of my life, I have maintained a great fondness for the “bat head aimed at the camera”-type photograph. It implies three-dimensionality—making me feel quite involved in the action—and it makes the bat-wielder appear rather menacing, which is an attribute I appreciate in bat-wielders. Nice guys finish last, after all.
Take Walt Weiss ( … “please!” Sayeth the Marlins circa 1993. Ha, ha! Those Marlins are hilarious). Here Weiss says without words, “I play baseball. Now get out of my way, nine-year old boy looking at this card, before I swing this baseball bat at your friggin’ head! Where are your parents?” Really, someone is going to get hurt here. And it’s not going to be Walt Weiss.
Or, maybe it will be:
Walt should provide the fledgling Marlins
At this point, in 1993, the Florida Marlins had yet to play a professional baseball game as a franchise. Yet, they were already fledgling. I mean, can we give them time to fledge here? Take it easy, Pinnacle.
with top-quality play at shortstop … if he’s healthy.
As Pinnacle notes, Walt Weiss should provide quality play at shortstop for the Florida Marlins if, and only if, he maintains full capabilities of all of his limbs and does not suffer from diarrhea or heavy legs. Because many outsiders assume that athletes should be able to achieve proper levels of performance regardless of whether or not they are in a full body cast, it is important to note that their side of the bargain is only held up under the precondition that they are not, literally, being held up.
Honestly, I struggle—really, I lose sleep at night—with the whole “if he’s healthy” dilemma. On one hand, it is a pointless phrase that belongs at the bottom of the abyss of pointless phrases, for we all acknowledge that proper health is a prerequisite as it pertains to expected output. On the other hand, the phrase is typically reserved for athletes who are oft-injured, and serves as a red flag to the uniformed outsider that the player in question has difficulty maintaining his health, and that one must take that into account when attempting to properly forecast his performance. On the other, other hand, it is stupid. There are many solid arguments.
He was the AL’s Rookie of the Year in 1988.
That sounds healthy!
But knee injuries knocked him out of the lineup for much of 1989 and the 1990 playoffs, ruptured ankle ligaments put him on the DL in the second half of 1991, and a strained rib cage kept him sidelined for the first two months of 1992.
So … how did this affect his quality play at shortstop? Did he fledge? I’m confused. Let’s see if Wikipedia has anything to add:
In addition, the baseball field at Walt’s alma mater, Suffern High School, is named after him.
It’s called … wait for it … “Suffern’ From Injuries Field.” No? You don’t like? Whatever. I got that joke from the Marlins. I told you—those guys are hilarious!
Did you know?
I have Googled "diarrhea" like, 100 times in my life, because I cannot learn how to spell it.
