"Ice, Ice Baby" explained III: The finale

VERSE 3

For VERSE 1 explained, see here.

For VERSE 2 explained, see here.

Take heed, cause I’m a lyrical poet

Take heed, ye’ merry gentlemen. For I am a lyrical poet. I do not use other mediums for my poetry, such as paint, or steel, or birds, or whatever. I use words, or, in my case as it pertains to hip-hop specifically, lyrics. For example, earlier when I rhymed “bikinis” with “Lamborghinis,” that is what we in the literary field call: poetry.

Miami’s on the scene just in case you didn’t know it

Miami is on the hip-hop scene, thanks in large part to me, Vanilla Ice. I have made Miami proud.

My town, that created all the bass sound

As Wikipedia can attest: "Miami bass (also known as booty music or booty bass, a term that may also include other genres, such as dirty rap), is a type of hip hop music that became popular in the 1980s and 1990s." You can have your emotionally charged blues, Memphis -– I’ll take my booty bass and sexually perverse rap, thank you very much!

Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground

I cannot walk two feet in this town without falling into a hole that was caused by booty bass.

Cause my style is like a chemical spill

My style, which is to say my persona, mannerisms, clothes, the way in which I rap, etc., is similar to a scenario in which a giant canister of chemicals is accidentally spilled, causing much damage physically, emotionally, and financially to anyone who may be in the surrounding area. I need not elaborate on this simile, as I think it speaks for itself.

Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel

My rhymes are feasible. Earlier when I rapped about being involved in a Miami gunfight, and driving past attractive sex-crazed women, and cooking people like bacon, I was being very feasible. Besides that, the listener can also vision and feel my rhymes. A lot of people say to me, they say, “Ice, I listen to other rappers, but I can’t vision their rhymes, ya’ know?” And I’m like, word. That’s what makes me special. Not only have I created rhymes that you can vision, I have also made vision a verb. But you can also feel my rhymes as well. Go ahead, touch them…they don’t bite!

Conducted and formed, this is a hell of a concept

My rhymes, besides being a) vision-friendly, b) tangible to the touch, and c) feasible, are also conducted and formed. Imagine that, I ask sarcastically! I firmly believe that if many of today’s rappers took the time to conduct and form their rhymes, instead of just like, saying them whenever, that we’d all be better off as a society because of it. I mean, it really doesn’t even take that much time to conduct and form your rhymes. All you need is a train engineer’s hat and a protractor.

We make it hype and you want to step with this

You would so love to join our team of hypeness. Unfortunately, we are no longer accepting applications.

Shay plays the fade, slice like a ninja

The good news? Shay is back. He was unharmed in the gunfight that occurred in the second verse. However, I question his loyalty, as he was nowhere to be found when shots were ringing out like a bell. Regardless, he is my DJ. An integral part of djing is working the fader. Shay plays this instrument –- which is less an instrument than it is a thing that you just slide back and forth -– very well. He also “slices” records –- or, like, spins and scratches them and stuff -– like a ninja would slice his or her opponent in a ninja battle. And I should know, because I appeared in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. So please, do not question my street cred or my knowledge of ninjas in general.

Cut like a razor blade so fast, other djs say damn

Shay also cuts records, which is pretty much the same thing as slicing them. I apologize for the redundancy of metaphors as they relate to Shay’s ability to DJ, but I should mention that other, lesser djs are impressed with his professional skills. But enough about Shay.

If my rhyme was a drug I’d sell it by the gram

If I could convert my rhymes into illegal narcotics, my preferred unit of mass for distribution purposes would be the gram. I thought you would like to know this. For those of you who may naively think that rhymes, due to the laws of physics, cannot be molded into like, crack or something, take heed: One time my buddy Fred converted a fart into a laser printer and we pawned it for $30.

Keep my composure when it’s time to get loose

Some people think that “getting loose” and keeping one’s composure are mutually exclusive. I beg to differ. When it’s time to get a little crazy on the microphone while on stage and for the purposes of entertainment, I will often sit down and take 10 deep breaths in order to regain my composure. The crowd typically applauds.

Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice

Here –- as I have throughout this entire song -- I am taking great liberties with what qualifies as slang. “Juice,” which is slang, albeit for respect, does not mean “rhymes.” But I am trying to force new slang via context. I could very well have said “while I kick my goose,” which would have made just as much sense, and which rhymes better with “loose” anyway. So, to recap, you cannot take your eyes off of me when I am doing something that makes no sense.

If there was a problem, yo I'll solve it

I will solve nothing.

Check out the hook while D-Shay revolves it

I have combined the word "deejay" and the name "Shay" to form one, better word: D-Shay. Not only does this term help to retain the original sound of both words, but Shay actually IS a deejay. When I originally thought of this, my brain became so overloaded that I blacked out for three days, and woke up on a banana boat in the Gulf of Mexico. But obviously, it was worth it.

Yo man -– let’s get out of here

Shay, let us leave. These people disgust me.

Word to your mother

Please say hello, or, "word" to your mother for me. I do not actually know your mother. But I am hoping to play on your insecurities by making you think that I have a pre-existing and sexual relationship with her. Please buy my album.

"Ice, Ice Baby" explained II

VERSE 2

For VERSE 1 explained, see here.

Now that the party is jumping

We are at a party now. And get ready because I am going to tell you what is about to happen because we are at a party that is jumping.

With the bass kicked in, the vegas are pumping

“Vegas” are speakers. They are pumping because the bass has kicked in. Also, as I had previously mentioned, the party we are at is jumping, in large part due to the fact that the speakers are pumping. Now get ready for what is about to happen as a result of these indisputable facts.

Quick to the point, to the point no fakin’

Okay, so nothing happened. But let’s move past that, because I would like to inform you of something: When I make a point, I am quick about it. I am to the point about making a point. Also, you can rest assured that I will not fake any point that I am trying to make, as that would defeat the purpose of the quickness with which I made said point. That’s the whole point.

I’m cooking MCs like a pound of bacon

If I am feeling particularly frisky during a rap battle, I will place my opposing MC in a giant frying pan and cook him. I will literally cook this person, with Crisco and everything, because, to my knowledge, “cook” is not slang for symbolically defeating another person lyrically or even physically. I will cook this MC with the same culinary techniques that I would use to cook a pound of bacon, which is a lot of bacon. I like bacon.

Burning them if they’re not quick and nimble

Indeed, if you are not quick and/or nimble enough to remove yourself from the gigantic frying pan I have placed you in, then yes –- you will indeed get burned. Such is the nature of being cooked like a pound of bacon.

I go crazy when I hear a cymbal

One time, at band camp, this kid clashed the cymbals at the end of our symphony and I totally flipped out. Started throwing instruments and stuff. I had to go home three weeks early. So yeah, you pretty much don’t want to mess with me around cymbals.

And a hi-hat, with a souped up tempo

Or a hi-hat with a souped up tempo. Many people believe that a hi-hat is merely a complimentary piece of musical equipment, unable to create and therefore sustain a souped-up tempo on its own merits. I, however, disagree. I once recorded an entire smooth jazz album using only a hi-hat and a pair of scissors.

I’m on a roll and its time to go solo

I have made the difficult decision to –- based on the obvious roll I am currently on lyrically –- to break away from the group “Vanilla Ice & The Ice Machines” and embark on a solo career. Fingers crossed!

Rollin in my 5.0

I have a car. And I am driving it right now. (We left the party. Did I mention that?)

With my ragtop down so my hair can blow.

I’m sorry. Have you seen my hair? It can do a lot of things, but blowing in the wind is not one of them. My hair actually stopped Hurricane Andrew. True story. I mean, yeah –- my hair blows figuratively, but still. Anyway, I didn’t write this line. Let’s move on.

The girlies on standby, waving just to say hi
{Did you stop?}

Who asked that? Seriously?

No –- I just drove by

I am so good at rapping that I cannot be bothered with attractive females that are interested in having sexual relations with me.

Kept on pursuing to the next stop

I am doing some serious pursuing right now. Exactly what I am pursuing is undetermined, but one can assume that I am pursuing more females that I can arrogantly and inexplicably drive past again.

I busted a left and I’m heading to the next block

I turned left. I was going to turn right, but I turned left instead. Isn’t this awesome?

The block was dead

On this particular block, nobody was around to watch me drive my car. I should have turned right. I am disappointed.

Yo –- so I continued to A1A, Beachfront Avenue

Beachfront Avenue is a popular street here in Miami. Its technical term is State Route A1A. I will go there.

Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis

We are now driving down Beachfront Avenue. The girls walking along this street are hot both figuratively and literally, as evidenced by the fact that they are wearing less than bikinis. Also, less than bikinis is naked. These girls are naked. I am going to drive past them.

rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis

There are people here who love men that rock. I call them the rockman lovers, obviously. Anyway, they are driving Lamborghinis.

Jealous ‘cause I’m out getting mine

These rockman lovers –- who are driving Lamborghinis –- are jealous of me and my 5.0 something or other. They are also jealous of me because I am out getting mine. I am out here with a purpose. What, exactly, I am getting is for me and only for me to know, but trust me -– I am going to get it. These rockman lovers, on the other hand, are just driving around like idiots.

Shay with a gauge and Vanilla with a nine

Did you guys meet Shay? He’s my friend. But watch out –- he is carrying a 12-gauge shotgun. And I have a 9-milimeter. These are weapons that I will undoubtedly use to get mine. This song has taken a violent turn.

Reading for the chumps on the wall

I am reading the wall for chumps. Oftentimes a helpful local will spray paint “Chumps over here!” on the wall with an arrow pointing downward in the direction of the chumps. That is what I am looking for. If I find any chumps, I am going to wax them.

The chumps are acting ill because they’re so full of eight balls

I found the chumps. They are acting ill, however, because of all the cocaine they have ingested. Because “ill” has positive connotations in hip-hop, I’ll leave it up to you to decide if the chumps are acting awesome, or if they are physically ill from all the drugs.

Gunshots rang out like a bell

People are shooting. If it’s the rockman lovers and I going to be pissed!

I grabbed my nine, all I heard were shells falling, on the concrete real fast

I do not even hear the gunshots. All I hear are the shells falling to the ground. Weird. And where the heck is Shay? Whatever. I have grabbed my gun, and it is on!

Jumped in my car, slammed on the gas

I changed my mind. Instead of becoming involved in this shootout, I am going to escape. I have jumped into the car I was already in and I have slammed on the gas pedal.

Bumper to bumper the avenue’s packed

I have caused an accident by slamming on the gas pedal in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

I’m trying to get away before the jackers jack

Those jackers are always jacking! Granted, even after I leave Beachfront Avenue I will be in my car, and thus, subject to a car-jacking. However, I am currently in an "extreme jacking zone," and I am trying to leave. This traffic is not helping. And now that I think about it, where would a jacker even go should he choose to jack in traffic? Still, I’m not taking any chances.

Police on the scene, ya’ know what I mean

The police are here, partly because of the accident I have just caused by slamming on the gas in bumper-to-bumper traffic, and partly because of the wild, wild west shootout that just randomly occurred. I am sure that my listening audience is all too familiar with dealing with the police in these situations. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

They passed me up, confronted all the dope fiends

Ignoring the accident, the fact that I am carrying a gun myself, and the fact that there was just an all-out gunfight in the middle of a crowded Miami street, the police pulled aside some crackheads and asked them where they got their crack from.

If there was a problem, yo I’ll solve it

Contrary to the array of problems I myself just endured –- none of which I was able to resolve, except by removing myself from the situation altogether -– I will definitely solve any other problems you can throw at me. Promise.

Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

Again, enjoy the chorus. I have to call my car insurance company.


This stage isn't big enough for the two of us, Shay!

"Ice, Ice Baby" explained

VERSE 1

All right stop, collaborate and listen

Everybody stop what you’re doing. Then find a partner and work on a project together that has yet to be determined. Then listen to me.

Ice is back

This is my first single.

With a brand new invention

This invention is called “horrible rap.” Take that, Benjamin Franklin. To the rest of you: you’re welcome.

Something grabs a hold of me tightly

Songs such as this one are not entirely my doing, but partly the result of an otherwordly force that urges me to rap about stuff.

Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly

The manner in which I rap “flows” similar to the flow of a harpoon, which is, according to Wikipedia, “a long spear like instrument used in fishing to catch fish or other large marine mammals such as whales.” I flow like this everyday. And also every night, which is different from the day. I do not sleep.

Will it ever stop? Yo, I don’t know

Sometimes I will ask myself a question and then immediately and condescendingly dismiss that question as stupid. Regardless, I have no idea if or when my flow will ever cease.

Turn off the lights and I’ll glow

I am so good at rapping that I literally glow in the dark.

To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal

On the microphone, I rap just as well as a person who damages property. This is something that I do in the most extreme manner possible.

Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle

To “wax” someone, in this context, would mean to out-rap them, on a stage, that I have lit up with my immense stage presence. A “chump” is a person who is stupid and cannot rap. I will frequently wax a chump in the same fashion that one would wax a candle, which is something that is made of wax, but that can also be waxed, according to me.

Dance, go rush to the speaker that booms

This is self-explanatory.

I’m killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom

My music is so enjoyable to listen to that it will kill your brain. Your brain will die from listening to my music. This process is similar to the experience of consuming the ever-so-dangerous and brain-killing poisonous mushroom, which is found exclusively in remote areas of South Dakota. Brain-killing poisonous mushrooms are the number two cause of brain death in the United States, behind only: my music.

Deadly when I play a dope melody

Ya’ know what? If you value your life, you might want to stop listening like, right now.

Anything less than the best is a felony

I always give my best. Should I ever fail to give my best, I will arrest myself on felony charges of “not giving my best,” which has a minimum mandatory sentence of six months probation.

Love it or leave it, you better gain weight

I don’t really care if you love my music, or if you’re indifferent to it. The point is: you need to eat more.

You better hit bull’s eye, the kid don’t play

This is a literary device called symbolism. I am “the kid.” Also, I do not play, meaning that I do not lollygag when it comes to rapping –- I remain focused and vigilant at all times and work hard to succeed. In order to defeat me, you must “hit the bull’s eye,” meaning that you must, like…also do your best, or something. Should you succeed in doing your best, it is implicated here that, yes –- you could beat me. Take that.

If there was a problem, yo I’ll solve it

Thankfully, there are no problems currently in the world, besides, of course, brain-killing poisonous mushrooms, which are obviously out of my control. But if there were a problem, hypothetically, I could and would solve it. If anyone should hear about a problem, just call me. My name is Vanilla Ice.

Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

Enjoy the chorus. This song won multiple awards.