Note: This column appears in the 8/13 issue of The Glendale Star and the 8/14 issue of the Peoria Times
Let’s say, hypothetically, that you are Bob Dylan, Willie Nelson, and the artist formerly known as John Cougar Mellencamp. You are a combined 712 years old, but you are still jamming.
You want to bring your brand of folksy-country-Americana music to the Valley, but you are not sure when, or where. So you consult your concert promoter, Jam Productions, who are, coincidentally, the same promotions company aligned with the Chicago White Sox. In turn, you agree to be the first musical act at Camelback Ranch, an outdoor venue and the spring training home of the White Sox and Dodgers.
The date you choose is August 11th. At 5:30 pm. What could go wrong?
If you are indeed, and not hypothetically, Bob Dylan, Willie Nelson, and John Mellencamp, or one of the thousands of fans who bought tickets to see the show, what went wrong was that the show was canceled. Due to the heat.
Considering that word of the cancellation came just days before the show was scheduled, it seemed as though Jam Productions and virtually everyone involved was surprised that temperatures were expected to, according to the press release, “soar to 110 degrees” on Tuesday. For anyone familiar with Valley weather, 110 degrees is pretty much autumn, or, at the very least, standard as it pertains to mid-August.
Nevertheless, outdoor concerts do indeed take place here in the summertime. However, they typically start after sundown, and not when the sun is at its absolute peak of hotness. It’s uncertain if the Jonas Brothers could survive a 5:30 pm start in mid-August in Glendale, much less three men most famous for a collective diet of whiskey, marijuana, and now Ensure.
Every fan that purchased tickets will be refunded, and an additional show scheduled for the following day in Las Vegas –- "What? It’s hot there, too?!" said Jam Productions -– was also canceled. According to Jam Productions, the impending heat was a risk “too great for all involved.” But the obvious question remains: Then why the heck did you schedule the show for 5:30 pm in mid-August? This is, of course, reminiscent of the time Jam Productions scheduled a December 25th Hootie & the Blowfish show in the North Pole, but had to cancel two days beforehand, claiming: “We had no idea it was Jesus’ birthday.”
For an event that was supposed to bring money, fans, and attention to one of the city’s newest facilities, this is just another black eye for the city of Glendale. To add insult to injury, I imagine Dylan will perform nightly at the new Tohono O’oodham casino in 2011, after singing the national anthem at the first Ontario Coyotes game.
When asked to comment on the cancellation, Bob Dylan muttered something incoherent, Willie Nelson fell asleep mid-sentence, and John Mellencamp just kept repeatedly singing, “”This is oooouuuurrrr country…”
Man, that show would have been awesome. I am sweating just thinking about it.
Showing posts with label heat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heat. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Three summers and melting
Note: This column appears in the 6/11 issue of The Glendale Star and the 6/12 issue of the Peoria Times
Somebody once told me that you can only be considered a true Arizonan once you’ve survived five summers. I am unsure if this is accurate –- both the number five and the term “true Arizonan” seem fairly arbitrary –- but I believe in this sentiment, mainly because I will believe anything anybody tells me if it sounds cool. This is called “journalism.” Look it up.
But this is only one of many, many clichés that pertain to the Arizona summer heat, which include, “it’s a dry heat,” “100 days of 100” and “it is so hot outside that I literally cannot breath.” The reality is that the summer here is hot, oftentimes unbearably hot. And in 2009, we’re just getting started.
I have been thinking about this recently as my wife and I are currently embarking on our third summer here. Judging by the aforementioned guidelines as it pertains to our quest to become true Arizonans, this would be our “hump summer.” (Please do not misinterpret that. Remember, it’s too hot to do anything.)
I wonder if we are truly adjusting to the summertime here (if that’s even possible), or if we counteract the heat through mental warfare. I am leaning towards the latter, as we often find ourselves saying things like, “It’s really not so bad –- you just stay inside!” and “What’s the difference between 100-degrees and 112, ya’ know?” Well, staying inside all day is great if you can do it, but for those of us who actually have to go places, the simple act of getting in your car during the summer is enough to break a man. Also, the difference between 100-degrees and 112 is the difference between getting sunburn and calling an ambulance.
Of course, there are actual physical things a person can do to stave off -– in vain –- the heat. One of those things is something I never thought I would do: use a windshield cover. Back east, the only people who used a windshield cover in their car during the summer were 80-year old ladies, and the windshield covers had dancing bears and butterflies on them. Now I actually use one myself, though it’s a plain old aluminum one that reflects the sun at five-times its normal power and that burns my hands every time I take it down. Another thing you can do if you have to venture outside is use an umbrella. If you should ever see me using an umbrella to shield the sun feel free to punch me in the face.
Our simple philosophy so far has been this: do the little things –- like never wearing a grey shirt unless you have three shirts on underneath -- to counteract the heat, tell yourself that it’s not so bad, and when it really is so bad, which is always, wear it like a badge of honor. When that badge melts, start over.
I’m not going to lie –- the summers are tough, especially considering that summertime is generally a happy time throughout most of the free world. Luckily, we have the other eight months to gloat.
Nevertheless, I am prepared for summer number three. My windshield cover is up, I’ve been wearing sun block just to go out and get the mail, and I’ve stopped eating in order to pay the electricity bill. Should I eventually make it through five summers, I will let you know. I imagine a certificate is involved.
Somebody once told me that you can only be considered a true Arizonan once you’ve survived five summers. I am unsure if this is accurate –- both the number five and the term “true Arizonan” seem fairly arbitrary –- but I believe in this sentiment, mainly because I will believe anything anybody tells me if it sounds cool. This is called “journalism.” Look it up.
But this is only one of many, many clichés that pertain to the Arizona summer heat, which include, “it’s a dry heat,” “100 days of 100” and “it is so hot outside that I literally cannot breath.” The reality is that the summer here is hot, oftentimes unbearably hot. And in 2009, we’re just getting started.
I have been thinking about this recently as my wife and I are currently embarking on our third summer here. Judging by the aforementioned guidelines as it pertains to our quest to become true Arizonans, this would be our “hump summer.” (Please do not misinterpret that. Remember, it’s too hot to do anything.)
I wonder if we are truly adjusting to the summertime here (if that’s even possible), or if we counteract the heat through mental warfare. I am leaning towards the latter, as we often find ourselves saying things like, “It’s really not so bad –- you just stay inside!” and “What’s the difference between 100-degrees and 112, ya’ know?” Well, staying inside all day is great if you can do it, but for those of us who actually have to go places, the simple act of getting in your car during the summer is enough to break a man. Also, the difference between 100-degrees and 112 is the difference between getting sunburn and calling an ambulance.
Of course, there are actual physical things a person can do to stave off -– in vain –- the heat. One of those things is something I never thought I would do: use a windshield cover. Back east, the only people who used a windshield cover in their car during the summer were 80-year old ladies, and the windshield covers had dancing bears and butterflies on them. Now I actually use one myself, though it’s a plain old aluminum one that reflects the sun at five-times its normal power and that burns my hands every time I take it down. Another thing you can do if you have to venture outside is use an umbrella. If you should ever see me using an umbrella to shield the sun feel free to punch me in the face.
Our simple philosophy so far has been this: do the little things –- like never wearing a grey shirt unless you have three shirts on underneath -- to counteract the heat, tell yourself that it’s not so bad, and when it really is so bad, which is always, wear it like a badge of honor. When that badge melts, start over.
I’m not going to lie –- the summers are tough, especially considering that summertime is generally a happy time throughout most of the free world. Luckily, we have the other eight months to gloat.
Nevertheless, I am prepared for summer number three. My windshield cover is up, I’ve been wearing sun block just to go out and get the mail, and I’ve stopped eating in order to pay the electricity bill. Should I eventually make it through five summers, I will let you know. I imagine a certificate is involved.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
