Rusty Kuntz, 1984 Topps
I think I was about eleven years old when one of my friends told me about a player named Rusty Kuntz. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed…all the while not really knowing what was so funny. (I was a late bloomer.) Amazingly, Rusty Kuntz never crossed my mind since then. (Yikes…remind to re-word that last sentence later.) Fast forward almost 20 years to the other day, when my friend Bruce sends me an email with a Rusty Kuntz card attached, imploring me to get it on the blog. Since this is a family blog, I was obviously hesitant to do so. But then I said to myself, “Hey, who am I to judge Rusty Kuntz? Doesn’t he deserve a place on this blog alongside other immortals, like Garth Iorg and Glenallen Hill?” Yes. Yes he does. Besides, it’s not my fault that the combination of “Rusty” and anything even remotely resembling a human body part is so darn hilarious! I’m just the messenger! Anyhoo, I decided to do a little research before posting, and it turns out that a) Rusty Kuntz has a Wikipedia page, and b) his name is actually pronounced “Koontz,” which was a shock, a disappointment, and a relief, all at the same time. In fact, that little tidbit is pretty much the only relevant piece of info on the page. It’s as if Wikipedia was fielding thousands of hits from immature idiots such as myself, and decided to cut it off at the pass by saying, “Alright, alright, calm down there Slappy. The name is pronounced ‘Koonzt,’ with an ‘oo’ sound. Now get back to recess.” Nevertheless, I’d like to take this time to commend Rusty Kuntz, whose real name was Russell, but who had the wherewithal to say, “Ya’ know what? Call me ‘Rusty.’ Now watch me drive in the winning run of the 1984 World Series.” Seriously…he really said that.
Did you know?
The name’s “Kunzt,” “Mr. Rusty” if you’re nasty.
Did you know part II?
I’d like to apologize in advance for this entire post.
