Elvis Grbac, 1998 Upper Deck
This is probably the most visually exciting and stimulating football card that I own. Many people believe that “high definition” was “invented” in like 2005, or something. But this card is proof that high definition dates back as far as 1998. Of course, the kinks weren’t all worked out, as far as background graphics are concerned. (That’s actually Ted Danson standing on the sidelines, though it’s hard to tell.) Regardless, it feels like Elvis Grbac is going to run right out of the front of this card! When he reaches the front of the card. In twenty minutes.
Really though. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a still shot that gave away how excruciatingly slow somebody was. And it’s not like I’m surprised that a 6’5” white man named Elvis wasn’t exactly a speed demon. But it looks like Elvis Grbac is running in quicksand, and that there’s an invisible belt around his waist that’s strapped to the goal post. If those feet in the background are attached to somebody, then Elvis Grbac is in trouble.
But even though Elvis Grbac wasn’t fast, he won ballgames. In fact, he was the winningest winner ever:
Grbac is 14-5 as a starter, good for the best winning percentage (73.7) among all active quarterbacks.
Geez. Talk about taking liberties with a statistic. (Even Grbac’s face on the back of the card expresses his displeasure.) The week after that stat was printed, Charlie Batch won his first game as starter for the Detroit Lions*, thus shattering Grbac’s active winning percentage record, and grabbing the title of Winny McWinnerson. Unfortunately, both quarterbacks would lose the rest of their games, forever.
Nevertheless, Grbac was able to distinguish himself in other ways. For example, he remains the only player in NFL -- and human -- history whose name was Elvis, and whose last name featured the letters g, r, and b consecutively. In addition to that, he made history at the 1993 NFL combine by becoming the only known player to eat a sandwich during his 40-yard dash.
Did you know?
According to Wikipedia, as it related to Grbac's tenure in Baltimore: When Grbac was injured midway through the season and replaced by Randall Cunningham, the crucial taunt "Elvis has left the building" was used. This marked the first known occasion that an NFL crowd was able to chant, in unison, an entire sentence, and also the first time a taunt was described as "crucial."
Did you know Part II?
Kid Rock and a well-trained orangutan write most Wikipedia posts.
*May or may not be true, did not have time or motivation to research
