Classic card of the week

Mark Langston, 1990 Score “Dream Team”

Mark Langston was the Mona Lisa of left-handed pitchers, and so it is appropriate that only the most artistic rendition of his likeness would suffice as an introduction to the man himself. As we will soon discover upon flipping this card/painting over, Mark Langston was also an exclusive member of some sort of intangible “Dream Team,” and so if you have ever dreamed about left-handed pitcher Mark Langston -– which I most certainly have –- then you are aware that this is exactly what he looks like in dream form. Which is to say, dreamy.

But besides a breathtaking portrait, I think that any conversation about left-handed pitcher Mark Langston should begin with an anecdote that fully captures his brilliance and bravery on the field of battle:



Mark Langston
Lefthanded Pitcher

Remember –- that is who we are talking about. Okay, here we go…

In his second start for the Expos,

So many heroic stories have started in this way…

Mark loaded the bases with no one out in the eighth inning of a 1-1 game.

Disaster. No way out. Game over. Everybody go home. But here’s the thing –- and this is just something I have always believed –- they don’t make portraits of people who give up.

Manager Buck Rodgers looked to the bullpen for a strikeout pitcher and realized his best SO man was on the mound.

Not abbreviating “strikeout “ and then abbreviating “strikeout” makes this sentence very weird. Nevertheless, when Buck Rodgers is your manager you can rest assured that proper realizations will be met, and swashbuckling adventures will ensue. Also, do you want to know who was not on the Dream Team? The Expos bullpen.

Langston went on to strike out the side. The Expos eventually won the game.

Roll credits. I hope you have a much greater appreciation for what left-handed pitcher Mark Langston means to America. Or, in this case, Canada.

Besides superlative strikeout statistics

Art on the front and alliteration in the rear should be the goal of all aspiring great baseball cards.

and invaluable innings pitched,

?

Mark supplied a winning presence, which close followers of the Expos had rarely seen in the team’s 21 years.

Hmmm, winning presence you say? I am interested to see how this winning presence manifested itself into wins.

The Expos were 23-23 when Mark was acquired from the Mariners on May 25, 1989.

For Randy Johnson, btw, who winning presence’d himself right into the Hall of Fame.

They were 63-44 on August 3.

From this information I can infer that during that span, Mark Langston won all of his starts, and in the other games that he did not participate in –- which would be about 80 percent of them –- used his winning presence to influence his team to win. Except for the 21 games that the team lost during this stretch.

The Montreal Expos were so impressed with left-handed pitcher Mark Langston’s winning presence that they allowed him to depart for the California Angels following the 1989 season. Apparently there was, after all, a value on his invaluable innings pitched. But Expos fans will always have this portrait of Mark Langston, which is nice, because they no longer have the Expos.

Did you know?
The Mark Langston wing of The Guggenheim was briefly closed for repairs following a 2002 scaffold accident.

Classic card of the week

Elvis Grbac, 1998 Upper Deck

This is probably the most visually exciting and stimulating football card that I own. Many people believe that “high definition” was “invented” in like 2005, or something. But this card is proof that high definition dates back as far as 1998. Of course, the kinks weren’t all worked out, as far as background graphics are concerned. (That’s actually Ted Danson standing on the sidelines, though it’s hard to tell.) Regardless, it feels like Elvis Grbac is going to run right out of the front of this card! When he reaches the front of the card. In twenty minutes.

Really though. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a still shot that gave away how excruciatingly slow somebody was. And it’s not like I’m surprised that a 6’5” white man named Elvis wasn’t exactly a speed demon. But it looks like Elvis Grbac is running in quicksand, and that there’s an invisible belt around his waist that’s strapped to the goal post. If those feet in the background are attached to somebody, then Elvis Grbac is in trouble.

But even though Elvis Grbac wasn’t fast, he won ballgames. In fact, he was the winningest winner ever:




Grbac is 14-5 as a starter, good for the best winning percentage (73.7) among all active quarterbacks.

Geez. Talk about taking liberties with a statistic. (Even Grbac’s face on the back of the card expresses his displeasure.) The week after that stat was printed, Charlie Batch won his first game as starter for the Detroit Lions*, thus shattering Grbac’s active winning percentage record, and grabbing the title of Winny McWinnerson. Unfortunately, both quarterbacks would lose the rest of their games, forever.

Nevertheless, Grbac was able to distinguish himself in other ways. For example, he remains the only player in NFL -- and human -- history whose name was Elvis, and whose last name featured the letters g, r, and b consecutively. In addition to that, he made history at the 1993 NFL combine by becoming the only known player to eat a sandwich during his 40-yard dash.

Did you know?
According to Wikipedia, as it related to Grbac's tenure in Baltimore: When Grbac was injured midway through the season and replaced by Randall Cunningham, the crucial taunt "Elvis has left the building" was used. This marked the first known occasion that an NFL crowd was able to chant, in unison, an entire sentence, and also the first time a taunt was described as "crucial."

Did you know Part II?
Kid Rock and a well-trained orangutan write most Wikipedia posts.

*May or may not be true, did not have time or motivation to research