Black Swan had me jumping up from my chair, feeling sick with emotion and, finally, sobbing my eyes out. It is so intense it makes you feel like you have been stabbed in the stomach.
A psycho-drama based on the world of ballet, it is a brilliant and twisted film. As a look inside the life of a ballet company it is highly exaggerated drama — but it has real echoes of the classical dance world.
I can empathise with Natalie Portman’s character, Nina, whose life is driven by her obsession with ballet and doing the perfect dance.
Sinister in Swan Lake: Natalie Portman's Nina is trapped in a world where nothing seems good enough for her performance
A dark passion: Natalie Portman plays Nina, a girl driven to the edge by her love for ballet and perfection, which Arlene says can consume dancers
Obsession is part of dance. You are staring in mirrors all day and become obsessive about the smallest things; has someone done more pirouettes than you or extended their leg a little higher? Might they turn out to be more perfect than you?
Growing up, I was determined to be a top ballerina and I remember torturing myself as I looked in the mirror. You are living in a world where you breathe, sleep and eat ballet — nothing else matters.
But as the film shows, ballet can be brutal. Nina only gets the part in Swan Lake when her predecessor, Beth, is retired against her will. Competition for the part of the Swan Princess is fierce and Nina constantly feels undermined by others in the company.
Ballet is about perfection and if you are not perfect, you are out. It is something ballerinas learn at a very young age.
The sinister side of ballet: Arlene Phillips reveals that dancers will go to extreme lengths - including breast reductions - to make their bodies more suitable for their art
In every ballet school attached to a company, there is a culling of dancers at the end of the year. It doesn’t matter how far you get and sometimes it doesn’t matter how well you dance. If you don’t have the perfection needed to be a classical ballerina — maybe your boobs have grown too big, your legs aren’t as long as they should be or your hips are too wide — then you are quickly discarded.
Your head has to be in proportion with your neck and shoulders; you should have length in your legs and a short body; and your feet should be beautifully arched.
There is nothing more depressing than being in dance studios where you see dancers still dreaming about becoming a ballerina.
To be a classical dancer you have to be perfect. You can’t choose to be a ballerina because you want to — because it’s your passion. Ballet has to choose you, too.
Sometimes that means helping nature along. I know dancers who have had ‘reverse’ boob jobs; the worst thing for a ballerina is to think her boobs are about to burst out of her tutu. The line — the look of a pose — never looks as good with boobs.
One of my good friends had it done — there was nothing she would not have done to be a ballerina. She had been rejected from many dance companies, but as soon as she had her small boobs, she was taken on.
You have to be born with a perfect body to become a ballerina and part of the reason why Natalie Portman is so phenomenal in the role is because her body is in total proportion.
Close to the edge: Natalie Portman puts on a frighteningly realistic performance of a dancer driven to despair by her desperation to dance perfectly
Cruel to be kind: Vincent Cassell plays the bullying teacher who relentlessly pushes Natalie Portman's Nina, but Arlene says his forceful character is unbelievable
Only someone in the dance world would be able to see that her hands and her spine were not quite perfectly positioned enough for someone dancing Swan Lake. Aside from that, she was the image of a prima ballerina.
I never could have been. When I was 14, some of my friends went to the Royal Ballet School, but I wasn’t physically right. My body wasn’t perfectly proportioned; I had boobs and a bum.
I went on to study tap, jazz, ballroom and musical theatre before setting up my own dance group and choreographing. But I never lost my love of ballet and was doing it up until my late 30s. Staying slender is, obviously, a big part of a dancer’s life. Nina has an eating disorder; she barely eats and throws up regularly.
In one scene, her mother buys her a cake to celebrate winning the Swan Lake role. She initially refuses to eat it and when she finally has a tiny bite you can see the distaste on her face.
She knows in a few days’ time she has to fit into a tutu, which has been measured to fit her exactly. She has to abstain.
Driven to despair: Natalie's Nina self-harms and starves herself, but Arlene says modern ballet schools are vigilant about any damaging habits their pupils develop
Pressurised: The characters in the film reveal a claustrophobic, nightmarish version of ballet
Dancers have to watch what they eat, but anorexia and bulimia are something else. I’ve known many anorexics. But nowadays it is so well recognised, ballerinas in dance schools are safer than ever, with people watching out for their welfare.
Nina also self-harms, tearing at her shoulder blade until it is raw. It is not something I have known a ballet dancer to do, but in the film it shows the pressure she is under.
Her ballet master Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel) will do anything to get the right performance out of her. I’ve read criticism that he is too dark to be believable — I disagree. [Jerome Robbins, who died in 1998, was one of the most brilliant choreographers and a harsh taskmaster. He was the choreographic genius behind West Side Story and his cast said he galvanised their performances ‘through fear’.
Jealous rage: Arlene says the envy and rivalry of ballet can leave dancers feeling sick with jealousy
A twisted tale: Arlene says the film is an exaggerated and fantastic version of ballet, but one that is compelling to watch
And they do use manipulation to make you suffer for a leading role. Often there will be three people dancing the lead, all vying to do it on the opening night.
As I know, when you are not chosen there is a sickening thud of jealousy. You go home and suffer.
And Nina has added pressure from her mother, who tries to keep her cloistered. Ballet mums have always been around (Margot Fonteyn’s mother was famously ambitious), but they are not as powerful today; the young girls would not put up with it.
In the Seventies, Rudolf Nureyev and Mikhail Baryshnikov gave dancers, male and female, a voice. They were huge stars, on the front covers of the papers and snapped out on the town — proving you can be dedicated to dance and party.
Dancers nowadays tend to have a life outside of ballet — it’s been a few decades since their world was as rarefied as it is with Nina, who has a stifling mother and has never been to a nightclub.
In the film, Nina explores her sexuality and it includes graphic sex scenes. Although I have to say, I found the scenes not nearly as controversial as I had expected. Sure, there are lesbians in dance and musical theatre, but no more than in any other industry.
But for all its exaggeration, Black Swan also contains some truths people might not guess at.
One thing that stood out was the agony ballet produces. It’s an aggressive film and shows the pain of dancing — not just emotionally, but physically, too.
Nina’s toenails fall off and her feet are gnarled and blistered. It was a shock to see how tortured your feet get. When I look at my feet now they are completely distorted from years of being squashed into pointe shoes.
It shows the hard work that goes into the beauty of ballet — the constant classes, how you have to go over each movement again and again.
The perfection seen is the result of a lot of punishment.
Is Black Swan a true depiction of what life is like for a ballerina?
No, it’s an exaggeration and, at times, a fantasy. But as a drama and a story, which cleverly inverts the tale of the most famous ballet of all, it is brilliant. Even by ballet’s exacting standards.
